I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
