we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
