there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
