well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
