we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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