U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
