Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
