And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
COCAINE IS GR8
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
