Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
