..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
