Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
