First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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