Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Randomize
