cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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