Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
