If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
