He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
