whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
