how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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