There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
