its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
