There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
