Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
All the doctor said was why
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
