pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
