I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Randomize
