I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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