ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
