Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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