The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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