the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Every concussion has its silver lining
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Randomize
