Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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