At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
