well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
