it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
