strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
