Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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