it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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