the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
