I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
two words: eviction party
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
