There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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