Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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