I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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