Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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