Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
