Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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