If i come over, it means nothing
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
