My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
