She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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