why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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