Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
