every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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